You know that super long checklist of characteristics your ideal man has to possess? Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas says to keep it.

“It’s good to have standards,” insists the 38-year-old star of VH-1’s newest dating show, The Chilli Project. “You can have your list, and whatever is on your list is realistic. I have a super duper long list and everything I have on there is realistic and workable. I think women need to understand that.”

Now, with her life coming full circle, she wants to encourage other women to recognize their worth, and what’s more, realize that the standards that they’ve set for themselves and their potential mates are totally obtainable. After all, the mindset has worked for her, and she’s more grounded than she’s ever been.

“I am a real solid chick,” she muses. “Over the years people have always told me I’m nice, because I am, but at the end of the day, I know what I want. I can be stern when I need to be.” So what are the things Chilli needs and wants from a man? Let’s see. “There are so many!” she pauses for a second, letting out a girly giggle before beginning her checklist. “A guy has to be Christian, he has to be physically fit, he has to have his looks on point, to my liking anyway, he has to be a nondrinker, a nonsmoker, charming, funny…just to name a few. I know we only have so much time for this interview.” She laughs again, but the seriousness in her tone can’t be mistaken.

“You just have to have standards,” she stresses again. “[When] I have compromised my standards, it didn’t get me anywhere. It caused extra headaches and pain. You have to make comprises, but when it comes to my standards, I stick with it.” Wisdom and self-awareness? Check.